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YThe Complete Cynic

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Cute Sex Quotes
Cute Quotes about Sex

May you get a smile and a chuckle from these Cute Sex Quotes.

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin

Related topics: Cynical

My reaction to porno films is as follows; After the first ten minutes,
I want to go home and screw; After the first twenty minutes,
I never want to screw again as long as I live
- Erica Jong

Only the united beat of sex and heart together can create ecstasy.
- Anais Nin

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
- Rodney Dangerfield



Some things are better than sex, and some are worse,
but there's nothing exactly like it.
- W. C. Fields

The women's movement hasn't changed my sex life.
It wouldn't dare.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Don't have sex man.
It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
- Steve Martin



If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
- Rodney Dangerfield

It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.
- Joan Rivers

With me, nothing goes right.
My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night.
Now, we'll never see each other!
- Rodney Dangerfield

Sex is a part of nature.
I go along with nature.
- Marilyn Monroe

I blame my mother for my poor sex life.
All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.'
For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.
- Joan Rivers

In the duel of sex woman fights from a dreadnought
and man from an open raft.
- H. L. Mencken

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times.
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
- George Burns

Sex is emotion in motion.
- Mae West

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive.
My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
- Phyllis Diller

Being a sex symbol is a heavy load to carry,
especially when one is tired, hurt and bewildered.
- Marilyn Monroe

I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women
had affairs during their lunch hour.
I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
- Erma Bombeck

Social progress can be measured
by the social position of the female sex.
- Karl Marx
(German philosopher and political economist
whose ideas are credited as the foundation of modern communism)

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
- George Burns

When you get to fifty-two food becomes more important than sex.
- Tom Lehrer

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life.
In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Sex without love is a meaningless experience,
but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
- Woody Allen

I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
- Joan Rivers

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
- George Burns

I remember the first time I had sex -
I kept the receipt.
- Groucho Marx

If sex is such a natural phenomenon,
how come there are so many books on how to do it?
- Bette Midler

A sex symbol becomes a thing.
I just hate to be a thing.
- Marilyn Monroe

Instead of being presented with stereotypes
by age, sex, color, class, or religion,
children must have the opportunity
to learn that within each range,
some people are loathsome and some are delightful.
- Margaret Mead

If sex and creativity are often
seen by dictators as subversive activities,
it's because they lead to the knowledge
that you own your own body
(and with it your own voice), and that's
the most revolutionary insight of all.
- Erica Jong

Real love is never a selfish emotion.
If you want something from someone -
especially if that something is sex -
what you are feeling is not true love.
True love is about wanting happiness for the person you love -
and not about seeking happiness for yourself.
Fortunately, in most cases our own loving presence
is the greatest gift we can give to a person we love.
Nonetheless, the litmus test of love is knowing
we would choose never to see that person again
if we believed that distance would bring them greater happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee.
Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
- Rodney Dangerfield

At the beginning, we are in relationship
because we are attracted to the other person -
we think they are sexy, smart, funny,
whatever it is that we find appealing.
But very quickly, the focus of the relationship
turns to whether we feel appreciated.
If we don't feel appreciated, we don't feel loved.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I haven't spoken to my wife in years.
I didn't want to interrupt her.
- Rodney Dangerfield

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

I have often wanted to drown my troubles,
but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
- Anonymous

My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police
because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
- Ilie Nastase

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years
to have breakfast together,
but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.
- Winston Churchill

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde

Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife
an electric skillet for her birthday.
- Erma Bombeck

Wealth - any income that is at least one hundred dollars
more a year than the income of one's wife's sister's husband.
- H. L. Mencken

I guess I have always been deeply terrified to really
be someone's wife since I know from life one cannot love another,
ever, really.
- Marilyn Monroe

Basically my wife was immature.
I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
- Woody Allen

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
- Woody Allen

By all means marry.
If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher
and that is a good thing for any man.
- Socrates

With my wife I don't get no respect.
I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.'
The waiter joined me.
- Rodney Dangerfield

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the
bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
- Rodney Dangerfield

My wife is always trying to get rid of me.
The other day she told me to put the garbage out.
I said to her I already did.
She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
- Rodney Dangerfield

I told my wife the truth.
I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist.
Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist,
two plumbers, and a bartender.
- Rodney Dangerfield

My wife and I were happy for 20 years.
Then we met.
- Rodney Dangerfield

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven
years and not once have we had an argument serious
enough to consider divorce;
murder,
yes, but divorce, never.
- Jack Benny

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
- Woody Allen

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah,
my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Choose a friend as thou dost a wife,
till death separate you.
- William Penn

People shop for a bathing suit with more care than
they do a husband or wife.
The rules are the same.
Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing.
Allow for room to grow.
- Erma Bombeck

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I
really want to do is French-kiss her.
- Woody Allen

It's tough to stay married.
My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
- Rodney Dangerfield

We must respect the other fellow's religion,
but only in the sense and to the extent
that we respect his theory that
his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
- H. L. Mencken

Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their
marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest.
- H. L. Mencken

My wife was afraid of the dark...
then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.
- Rodney Dangerfield

He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher...
or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.
- Douglas Adams

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous.
The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Behind every successful man is a woman,
behind her is his wife.
- Groucho Marx

A son is a son till he takes him a wife,
a daughter is a daughter all of her life.
- Irish Traditional

I have good looking kids.
Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
- Rodney Dangerfield

A man cannot speak to his son, but as a father;
to his wife, but as a husband;
to his enemy, but upon terms:
whereas a friend may speak, as the case requires,
and not as it sorteth with the person.
- Francis Bacon


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