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YThe Complete Cynic

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Cute Wife Quotes

May you get a smile and a chuckle from these Cute Wife Quotes.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years.
I didn't want to interrupt her.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Related topics: Funny

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police
because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
- Ilie Nastase



My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous

I have often wanted to drown my troubles,
but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
- Anonymous

My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates



Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde

Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years
to have breakfast together,
but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.
- Winston Churchill

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
- Rodney Dangerfield

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
- Woody Allen

We must respect the other fellow's religion,
but only in the sense and to the extent
that we respect his theory that
his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
- H. L. Mencken

Behind every successful man is a woman,
behind her is his wife.
- Groucho Marx

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah,
my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
- Rodney Dangerfield

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
- Woody Allen

Wealth - any income that is at least one hundred dollars
more a year than the income of one's wife's sister's husband.
- H. L. Mencken

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife
an electric skillet for her birthday.
- Erma Bombeck

Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their
marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest.
- H. L. Mencken

Basically my wife was immature.
I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
- Woody Allen

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous.
The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
- Rodney Dangerfield

My wife is always trying to get rid of me.
The other day she told me to put the garbage out.
I said to her I already did.
She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
- Rodney Dangerfield

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the
bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
- Rodney Dangerfield

By all means marry.
If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher
and that is a good thing for any man.
- Socrates

With my wife I don't get no respect.
I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.'
The waiter joined me.
- Rodney Dangerfield

My wife was afraid of the dark...
then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.
- Rodney Dangerfield

I have good looking kids.
Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
- Rodney Dangerfield

People shop for a bathing suit with more care than
they do a husband or wife.
The rules are the same.
Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing.
Allow for room to grow.
- Erma Bombeck

He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher...
or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.
- Douglas Adams

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I
really want to do is French-kiss her.
- Woody Allen

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee.
Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Choose a friend as thou dost a wife,
till death separate you.
- William Penn

A son is a son till he takes him a wife,
a daughter is a daughter all of her life.
- Irish Traditional

I guess I have always been deeply terrified to really
be someone's wife since I know from life one cannot love another,
ever, really.
- Marilyn Monroe

My wife and I were happy for 20 years.
Then we met.
- Rodney Dangerfield

With me, nothing goes right.
My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night.
Now, we'll never see each other!
- Rodney Dangerfield

It's tough to stay married.
My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
- Rodney Dangerfield

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven
years and not once have we had an argument serious
enough to consider divorce;
murder,
yes, but divorce, never.
- Jack Benny

I told my wife the truth.
I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist.
Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist,
two plumbers, and a bartender.
- Rodney Dangerfield

A man cannot speak to his son, but as a father;
to his wife, but as a husband;
to his enemy, but upon terms:
whereas a friend may speak, as the case requires,
and not as it sorteth with the person.
- Francis Bacon

You shall not covet your neighbor's house;
you shall not covet your neighbor's wife,
nor his male servant, nor his female servant,
nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's.
- Exodus 20:17

Never in any case say I have lost such a thing, but I have returned it.
Is your child dead? It is a return. Is your wife dead? It is a return.
Are you deprived of your estate? Is not this also a return?
- Epictetus

When you are alone you are not alone,
you are simply lonely -
and there is a tremendous difference
between loneliness and aloneness.
When you are lonely you are thinking of the other,
you are missing the other.
Loneliness is a negative state.
You are feeling that it would have been
better if the other were there -
your friend, your wife, your mother,
your beloved, your husband.
It would have been good if the other
were there, but the other is not.
Loneliness is absence of the other.
Aloneness is the presence of oneself.
Aloneness is very positive.
It is a presence, overflowing presence.
You are so full of presence
that you can fill the whole universe
with your presence and there is no need for anybody.
- Osho

Do real life people actually fall in love
with the idea of being in love?
Unfortunately, it is actually quite common.
Someone wants desperately to have
the husband or wife of their dreams.
They visualize the vine-covered cottage
with the white picket fence.
They choose the colors for the nursery.
They design all the aspects of their married life.
A real person stands no chance of measuring up to those fantasies.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If evil be spoken of you
and it be true, correct yourself,
if it be a lie, laugh at it.
- Epictetus

I often regret that I have spoken;
never that I have been silent.
- Publilius Syrus

Some things cannot be spoken or discovered until
we have been stuck, incapacitated,
or blown off course for awhile.
- David Whyte

The only thing necessary for evil to triumph
is for enough good men to do nothing.
- Edmund Burke

See no evil, Hear no evil, Speak no evil.
- Japanese pictorial maxim (the Three Wise Monkeys)

The universe we observe has precisely
the properties we should expect
if there is, at bottom, no design,
no purpose, no evil, no good,
nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.
- Charles Darwin

The lack of money is the root of all evil.
- Mark Twain

If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus

Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

If it turns out that there IS a God,
I don't think that he's evil.
I think that the worst you can say about him
is that basically he's an underachiever.
- the movie Love and Death

Since boredom advances and boredom is the root of all evil,
no wonder, then, that the world goes backwards, that evil spreads.
This can be traced back to the very beginning of the world.
The gods were bored; therefore they created human beings.
- Soren Kierkegaard

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
- George Carlin

It is best to avoid the beginnings of evil.
- Henry David Thoreau

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully
as when they do it from religious conviction.
- Blaise Pascal

An insincere and evil friend is more
to be feared than a wild beast;
a wild beast may wound your body,
but an evil friend will wound your mind.
- The Buddha

False words are not only evil in themselves,
but they infect the soul with evil.
- Socrates

It is a man's own mind, not his enemy or foe,
that lures him to evil ways.
- The Buddha

There is some good in the worst of us
and some evil in the best of us.
When we discover this,
we are less prone to hate our enemies.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

It is a cursed evil to any man to become as absorbed
in any subject as I am in mine.
- Charles Darwin

I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love
will have the final word in reality.
That is why right, temporarily defeated,
is stronger than evil triumphant.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

I do not concern myself with gods and spirits
either good or evil, nor do I serve any.
- Lao Tzu

Nothing is evil which is according to nature.
- Marcus Aurelius

I do not believe in the God of theology
who rewards good and punishes evil.
- Albert Einstein

There is no good or evil: only power and those too weak to seak it.
- J. K. Rowling

There is nothing good or evil save in the will.
- Epictetus

I object to violence because
when it appears to do good,
the good is only temporary;
the evil it does is permanent.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

It is impossible that anything so natural,
so necessary, and so universal as death,
should ever have been designed by providence as an evil to mankind.
- Jonathan Swift


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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